Aloneness

When I was younger I used to be in awe of people doing things by themselves. How could they stand to do that, with no one with them? Why go grocery shopping by yourself? Why eat by yourself? And the ultimate, why go to a movie by yourself?

I think this may have been a result of always going places with my parents while growing up. We lived in the country, and in order to do anything other than see family (who all lived down our dirt road) we had to either travel to our hometown, which was 10 minutes away, or the nearest town with grocery stores and such, which was 20 minutes away. And obviously, it took a while before I could drive myself anywhere. So I was always with my mom when we'd go to the post office, to the bank, to the grocery store, etc. And I couldn't imagine doing any of that on my own. Because that just wasn't the way of the world.

When I began junior college in the above-mentioned nearby town, I had to start facing the world alone. I still lived at home, but my days were mine now, almost completely, and I began to go to classes, get lunch, go to rehearsals all on my own (not all the time, but you get the idea). And then I started to realize that people do things by themselves because IT'S AWESOME. It's refreshing to drive by yourself, to eat with a book or magazine, to even go to a movie all alone (I didn't do that until my last year of college, and that was mainly a way to prove to myself that I didn't need a damn boyfriend to go to the damn movies).

I guess I still prefer going certain places with others, especially grocery shopping. I still haven't quite gotten over that one. But every once in a while, I remember how I thought being alone was such a big deal; and even though I still think that today, I've just reversed the sentiment. I like it now, instead of fearing it. It's relaxing and a bit empowering.

By the way, if you haven't seen a movie by yourself yet, I highly recommend it. At least there's no fighting over what movie you'll see.