09 January 2007

Double ugh

Just had another conversation about my apparent lack of motivation towards my life. My co-worker and I happen to be in the same boat. I'm still a young 'un (not yet a quarter century, at least not until May) and I still have what seems like a lot of time. And really, these days you can make a fresh start in your 60s and still have plenty of time, so I've got no need to freak out right now. And yet I am.

I'm scared not only because I don't know what I want to do, but because I have no idea what I'm good at. So far it seems I'm only good at office work, and there's no way I want to end up doing this in the years to come. I can't stand it. Sitting in front of a computer for 8 hours a day looking for work to do is not fulfilling.

But what else am I good at? Nothing comes to mind. I'm not good enough at this to pull a Dooce, so blogging is out. I was never that good at my chosen college major, so Theatre as a profession is out. I was only OK at my minor, so English is out. I don't have a lot of patience, so teaching human beings younger than 18 is definitely out. I'd like to have a career like music or something, but I have no guts and no training other than Mom teaching me piano. I can play some, but I have practiced in years. And my voice is really only mediocre as opposed to recordable. So music's out (at least until my friends let me be in a band with them.....but I've got to get band friends first). I'm vaguely interested in places like Harry Ransom Center, but I've never done anything like that. I'm going to take a class in Information Sciences, so we'll see. But as of now, that's still out. I'm also vaguely remembering my enjoyment of a Linguistics course in college, but at this point that's only a small blip on the radar.

This is depressing me. I just don't know what the hell to do, and I've felt this way for close to two years. If I don't have something figured out soon, I don't know how far my depression's going to take me down. I realize that something will happen at some point and I shouldn't be so impatient, but man this is hard. Anyone with an awesome career opportunity needing an awesome college graduate with mostly awesome hair (today's a bad day) can hire me. I'll be your dream employee. I'll also wash your dishes.


marci said...

I have four years on you (that's right, this year I'll be 29, really 29, as opposed to the next four years, when I'll just pretend to be 29), and have no idea either. I can remember panicking about it. What has changed with time has not been me solidifying my career objectives, but just realizing that I may never know what I want to be when I grow up, and that it's okay.

That might not sound great where you are (if someone told me when I was 23 that I still might not know what I wanted to do at 29, I would have been frustrated, to say the least), but it is freeing when it happens. And hey, maybe you will stumble into something you never even knew you would love, and figure it all out by February.

marci said...

And one more thing: why does the -ing form of panic have a "k" in it?

fringes said...

Have you ever tried one of those What Color Is My Parachute tests? I hear they are helpful. Also, try a few personality career matching tests. I'll dig up some links and send them to you. Until then, don't let it bother you too much. Find something you really like about your job (even if you only like quitting time) and concentrate on that. Your life purpose will be revealed soon enough.

Kevin said...

I like this post a lot. It really speaks to me.