Caveman

It's time I come clean about something. I'm in love with the caveman from the Geico commercials.

I'm not sure if Jared knows about this, but he shouldn't worry. There's no chance of me meeting this caveman, and even if I did I don't think I'm his type.

There's just something about his tone of voice, his constant frustration, his obvious intelligence that intrigues me. See this to understand what I mean.

Don't worry, I'm still in love with the boyfriend. I wonder if he has any cavewoman crushes...

Clarification

I should clarify that I am not the person who wears sweatpants to work. That would be someone who gets paid a lot more than me.

Got that, Casey?

Office Talk

While I love our office machines (I've gotten one or two to work by spouting nice words of encouragement), I think their main purpose in life is to jam in some way. With that, I present:

What I imagine our office machines and gadgets would say to us if they could talk:

The copy machine: "Imagine this: you're resting in your nice cool area, saving energy and whatnot. It's a peaceful day, one lacking in urgent work. Then, suddenly, some woman in sweatpants (sweatpants!)comes in needing a copy. She pokes you on the head, gives you a work order, and crosses her arms impatiently. While you're warming up from your nap, she even has the gall to complain about how long she's having to wait. You finally wake and complete the request. You don't even get a 'thanks' as she rips the paper away from you. Welcome to my life. Say thanks next time, or I just might jam."

The fax machine: "Listen people, pages down. I can't tell you how many times the other fax machines and I laugh at you because you can't read the sign and your faxes come out blank. You're all idiots. I might as well jam."

The shredder: "You again? Why do you make so many damn copies if all you're gonna do is shove 'em down my throat? Oh and by the way, the next time you roll your eyes when my bag is full, you're getting a jam."

The three hole puncher: "Of course I'm giving you hanging chads--those little pieces of paper that frustrate you to no end. Have you seen how many paper holes I've got under here? Try cleaning me out a bit, graduate students! You obviously prefer me to the three hole punch feature on the copy machine. One would think you'd care more for me, the one who allows you to store your precious information in a notebook. The one who only wants to see you happy. Watch out, because I'm thinking of creative ways to jam."

The toaster: "For The Love Of God Someone Clean Me Out Once In A While! I wish I could jam. That'd show 'em."

Certain mailboxes: "Can't...Hold...Any...More...Mail. Must...Be...Checked...Soon. Will...Jam...Fingers...Of...Workers."

The computers: "Are we really at a place of work? Why aren't we being used for anything other than blogs, email, and Minesweeper? When did I sink so low? Let's jam a process. They should know better than to be on MySpace at work. Now they're going to pay for it."

Letting others do the work for me

You should read this. Because it's better than anything I'll ever write.

I'm tired and would rather be at home, sleeping the morning away. I realize that all I'm doing today is sitting around for 8 hours...and I'm getting paid for it. But there was something about that bed this morning. So nice.

Hello again

I haven't written in a while. I was out of good internet contact during the weekend, and last night when I got home it was all I could do to stay awake long enough to find something on the Discovery channel to pass out to. (I'd had a bit to drink...)

I find that when my life is changing (or just plain happening), my urge to write about it subsides. Maybe I'm more of an introspective writer, one that feels the need to explain what's going on inside of me more than record what's going on around me. Or maybe I just get lazy sometimes.

I want to rearrange my room, but I feel as if I should wait just a little longer. Doesn't feng shui tell me that I shouldn't have the foot of my bed facing the door? Well it is. And I'm tired a lot. Maybe that's why...

Any tips?

By the by, Feng Shui is also a really good Gnarls Barkley song. Sorry for the lack of links, but I'm lazy.

OK

I don't consider myself to be a silly person most of the time. At least not the kind of silly that gets offended if people don't notice I've done something different with myself. I usually just think, "Oh, I'm sure they've changed something at some point that I haven't noticed, so I shouldn't get angry at them so quickly."

But damnit people. I cut my hair. Not just trimmed, cut. Three inches. And guess what! My hair's much shorter in the front than it was yesterday! Can you guess why? Because I got bangs!! Admittedly not the five-year-old bangs of my youth, but angled bangs! Bangs that make me look cool! Goodness!

Ok, now that I'm over my tantrum, I can move on to something much more important. The miracle on Guadalupe St. It happened last night. It had seemed that the traffic lights and cars were against us all evening, and it didn't look like the drive down Guadalupe was going to be any different. (FYI, in Austin we say "Guadaloop." Some try to fight this, but they'll never win.) We sat at a light around 15th street (this is my estimation...we weren't paying that much attention), both hungry and ready to get to our destination. The light turned green. The next light turned green. We could see the lights turning green two, three intersections away, all in time to let us pass through. Around 6th we both started to believe. This was it. This was going to be it. We saw the light at Cesar Chavez turn as we were barely exiting the 3rd street intersection. I crossed my fingers and held my breath. Two more intersections and we would be on the bridge. Traffic had built up around us, threatening to ruin our perfect run. Through the 2nd street intersection, we were both thinking that the Cesar Chavez light would never stay green. Never.

But It Did!! And we made it!! A perfect run down Guadalupe!! It cut our traveling time in half. In half, people! The lights in Austin are notorious for being frustrating beyond belief, but for one magical night, we won. We hit EVERY GREEN LIGHT for 15 BLOCKS. Dreams can come true.

I am woman, therefore I have cramps

Currently at home right now. That's right, in the middle of the morning. I decided that I wouldn't ignore my lady cramps this month. And anyway, it only makes them worse to try and deal with them at work, ya know? I'd rather just curl up in my bed and curse that I am woman.

I sometimes wish women could choose when they're going to start their periods. I remember when my friends were all shaving their legs and I felt so left out. My mom, being the extremely smart woman that she is, told me that once I shaved, I couldn't go back. The hair just keeps growing, and you have to keep shaving. How right she was. (I realize that some women decide to just let the hair grow, but I really like the way my legs feel after I shave. Yeah, I'm addicted)

So if we can put off that grown-up activity until we're ready, why oh why can't we wait until, say, we're ready to have kids to start our periods? Maybe we could activate it by using a tampon or pad for the first time. Of course, we'd know that we couldn't go back, but hey, that's life, right?

I recently told Jared that I was going to start my period soon (so watch out), and he jokingly said something like, "Again? Didn't you just have it?" I told him he summed up the feelings I experience every. single. month.

HA!

I love this.

HA!

I love this.

Tarot and the Opossum

You are The Hierophant

Divine Wisdom. Manifestation. Explanation. Teaching.

All things relating to education, patience, help from superiors.The Hierophant is often considered to be a Guardian Angel.

The Hierophant's purpose is to bring the spiritual down to Earth. Where the High Priestess between her two pillars deals with realms beyond this Earth, the Hierophant (or High Priest) deals with worldly problems. He is well suited to do this because he strives to create harmony and peace in the midst of a crisis. The Hierophant's only problem is that he can be stubborn and hidebound. At his best, he is wise and soothing, at his worst, he is an unbending traditionalist.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Got that from Sarcastic Fringehead. I love surveys, what can I say?

There's this strange noise coming from outside that I can't quite identify. It almost sounds like someone in the apartment parking lot next door is opening and closing their doors over and over again. Or maybe someone's moving things around in a truck bed. But occasionally it sounds like it's right outside, in our driveway. As I'm the only one home right now, I'm a little curious. I've been outside a few times, and I finally decided this last time to take all of the cds out of my car. Because if there is someone trying to break into my car or my house, you'd better believe I'm not giving up those cds without a fight.

There it is again!!

Just went outside again with the boyfriend on the phone, and between the two of us a conclusion has been made. We've got a critter under the house. I kicked the side of the house (to try and state my dominance I guess) and I haven't really heard anything since. Maybe it's moved on? I DO NOT want to hear that noise again tonight.

Oh, there it went again. Damnit.

It's a possum!! What ugly little creatures! I'm all for animals and nature, but damn. Those things are creepy looking. Especially when you only see a pointy nose and a single paw sticking out of a vent on the side of your house.

At least I know what it is. I think he's stuck though. I'd like to go loosen that vent for him, but I really don't want to get near him. Or risk scaring him back under the house. This could turn out to be an interesting night.

Ahh...

...to get out. To get out of the house, out of your own head for a little while. To have to wait for a friend to show up, which pits you alone against the world at a coffee house. To have to sit with nothing to read, no one to call, nothing to do but wait and look around you.

As promised, my friend has put me into a much better mood. I found out that I'm not the only person in the world who sometimes feels like a hermit. There are others that need to have friends who will poke and prod them to get out and enjoy. I've also been challenged to have an adventure in my life, which I hope will actually happen. I wonder what my adventure will be. A friend invited me to go on a hiking trip, and I'm actually pretty psyched about the possibility of that happening. Will a trip turn into the adventure I'll always remember? Or will it be something involving a relationship of some sort? What's going to jump start the life in me?

I've been addicted to Interpol lately. I just got Turn on the Bright Lights (yes, I know I'm behind with my music--that's what happens when you live paycheck to paycheck), and it's all I want to hear. I love those purchases that seem to be destined for certain times in your life.

Usually I find that if I'm trying to find something or figure something out I do better to just let go of it. I don't necessarily put it somewhere else, I just loosen my grip. And then somehow the solution comes. Maybe I should just loosen the grip on my life...keep my finger on the pulse just in case...but relaxing and enjoying things sounds kind of nice right now.

What a day

Well, I should know by now that when I tell a few people, "I don't do much at my job" my job's gonna suck the next day. Not so much suck as become very busy. Well wait, yeah, it sucked.

Basically it was an instance of a higher-up not knowing just how much work they wanted me to do in a matter of hours. Turning one pile of papers into four piles of papers makes for an eight hour day spent at the copy machine.

I also had my first lunch time aerobics class today. I think it gave me the energy I needed to barrel through some of those copies, but it did not make my stomach happy. I had to wait to eat an hour later than usual, and one just shouldn't do that to her body. Especially mine. My stomach knows when it's time to eat, and when I try to trick it it ends up in a horrible mood. So I did too.

Apologies for this rant. It's just been one of those days when nothing terrible has really happened but I'm ready to throw the towel in anyway. Know what I mean? Exhausting.

I'll be having coffee (or beer, oh the decisions) tonight with an old friend who always leaves me happy, so I'm sure my head will hit the pillow smiling tonight. I hope yours does the same.

movie

We're getting ready to go see For Your Consideration, so this will be a short entry.

The day trip to San Marcos was successful, as the boyfriend found an apartment. It's pretty hip, and the complex is called The Metropolitan. Yeah.

I've noticed that I've become a very easy drunk, so if anyone's planning on taking advantage of me, this time of my life is probably your best chance. Unless I'm in the drinking zone, which does happen occasionally. Then I can hang with the best of 'em.

I'm not sure where that paragraph came from. Could be the Shiner talking...

Drinking on the job

I just had a Bailey's Chocolate candy. Chocolate and Bailey's. At work. Occasionally I love this place.

Let's shake hands

Here's a story my friends told me I should blog about:

Last week I had my lady exam. You know the one I'm talking about. The visit to the doctor that I like to call "my favorite time of year."

The nurse did her thing and then left me to change into the *always* sleek check-up gown. It only took me about a minute. I then spent another five or seven minutes waiting for my doctor to come in. I was surrounded by paper. My paper gown which I desperately tried to keep closed in the back, the paper table cover which I desperately tried to NOT let my cheeks touch (I know it gets changed after every patient, but still), the papers on the walls telling me that I desperately needed to get help for skin cancer, osteoporosis, birth control, migraines, prostate cancer, and back pain. However many times you do this, it NEVER gets any easier.

So after what seemed like an eternity, my doctor finally walks in. Now, I should take a moment to describe my doctor. She's a mother of two (their pictures are in her patient room), always wears pants that are way too short, and is VERY matter-of-fact in her approach.

So like I was saying, she walks in. I expected her to say hello, ask how I was, things like that. Instead, after she's barely said hello, she REACHES OUT HER HAND FOR ME TO SHAKE. This is a woman who has been inside of me twice (now three times), a woman who has inserted cold metal things into me and swabbed my innards. Forgive me if I'm a bit taken aback by the formality of the hand shake that was about to proceed. I wanted to say, "Lady, you've seen parts of me I'LL never see. I think we're a little past shaking hands."

But instead, I took her hand and gave it a VERY lame shake. It's hard to muster up a good hand shake when you're only wearing paper, you know?

Words

I may sound like a HUGE snob, but is it really that difficult to remember the difference between you're and your? You can't say something like, "Hope your having a great day!" It Doesn't Work!! I occasionally make the mistake in an email, but I'm such a bitch about it that I try my hardest to catch it before it makes it out there to the world.

OH! Same with it's and its!! Can you say "it is"? Then use the apostrophe!

Ugh. Maybe I should stop reading Facebook and Myspace messages written by idiotic COLLEGE STUDENTS who don't know the difference.

Whew!

Can you tell I'm reading Eats, Shoots & Leaves right now?

Whew!

All of a sudden, I got a yearning to clean tonight. It could be that the floor was DIRTY. The floor always seems dirty, but I'm rather sensitive to dirt on the floor when I'm walking barefoot. And sticky stuff. And food crumbs. We all end up dropping things on the floor, but they don't always get cleaned up. And there are two girls who live in this house (soon to be three), and we shed hair. So the floor just got disgusting. Dis-gus-ting. It's now swept and Swiffered.

Then I noticed that the side of the sink we use for draining dishes had a funny smell. After I pulled out the now bone dry dishes, I had to clean the sink. Because it was, of course, dirty.

Then I decided to FINALLY try to get rid of two of the three boxes that have prevented me from getting to my bookcase since we moved in. A full trash bag later (one of those boxes had candles I'll just never burn again), and I've gotten my room down to only ONE box that needs to be emptied. Maybe I'll be through with that one when it's time for us to move out.

Talking to my roommates tonight, I almost slipped into my wondrous depression again. One roommate is leaving for a job with Iowa State, and he's busy getting ready to take his team to a bowl game and get things together to move out. My other roommate has a lot of finals and labs coming up. I'm sitting there not having anything to contribute to the conversation, and the first roommate says to me, "You're lucky you don't have anything, right?" For a moment, I didn't know what to say. I wanted to look at the floor and think about how he was right and how lame I feel. Then I decided, you know what? I do have things I'm doing. Like studying for the GRE (which I then brought up in the conversation). And dammit, the house has to be cleaned by someone.

I do miss the stress of school sometimes though.

Did I just say that??

Thievery

I stole this from Momma Loves, a fellow NaBloPoMo writer. I'll write more later, but for now, here's this. (I love surveys, by the way.)

1. 3 Things that scare me: Drowning, Spiders, the Astros when they wait until the last few innings to score

2. 3 People who make me laugh: Demetri Martin, Zach Galifianakis, and The Boyfriend

3. 3 Things I love: A tasty meal, crossword puzzles, beards

4. 3 Things I hate: The Redskins (they don't even get a link), strong smells, having to work

5. 3 Things I don’t understand: Timid drivers, the universe, any math

6. 3 Things on my desk: Today's crossword puzzle, my cell phone, a bowl of mixed paint (green and black). Yeah, I work for the state.

7. 3 Things I’m doing right now: Filling out this wonderful meme, smelling paint, thinking about this weekend

8. 3 Things I want to do before I die: Travel A LOT, live in London, learn how to kick ass at riding a bike

9. 3 Things I can do: Mail merge in Word, put Ikea things together, sleep with damp hair

10. 3 Things I can’t do: Tread water, pop my neck, buy things I want

11. 3 Things I think you should listen to: Other languages, your mother (that's a good answer, Momma Loves mentioned that one), Whiskeytown

12. 3 Things you should never listen to: Bill O'Reilly (he doesn't get a link either), George W. Bush, today's country music (Nashville Pop, yuck)

13.3 things I would like to learn: To tread water, library science, how to produce an album

14. 3 Favorite foods: Chinese, Italian, Junk

15. 3 Beverages I drink regularly: Water, Coke, Milk

16. 3 Shows I watched as a kid: Mr. Roger's Neighborhood, Sesame Street, Bugs Bunny

17. 3 People I’m tagging (to do this meme): Rebecca, Marci, Casey

Oh man.

I'm sure most have seen this video before, but you really should take a look at it again. Especially if you like cavemen and you need a laugh.

Happiness

This is what we all need